The Random Story of Gods and Heroes!
by Tamale-demigod-horse girl
Summary: This might very well be the most random story you have ever read! The gods and demigods have banded together to create the stupidest, most crazy, most weird plot ever! Ha ha :) Rated T for minor cursing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Riordan's awesome series. *Sobs***

Once upon a time, on a beautiful, cloudless Saturday, the gods of Olympus were extremely bored.

"I'm bored!" Aphrodite yelled, very dramatically collapsing into her pink throne. Unfortunately, her heels snapped.

"NOOOOO!" Aphrodite immediately started sobbing on the floor. "Why must you be so cruel?"

"Who is she talking to?" Hades asked, filing his nails.

"Why are you filing your nails, dude? It's weird," Poseidon commented.

Hades glared at his brother. "I. Don't. Care."

"Why are you so hateful today? I was just asking a QUESTION." Poseidon summoned the oceans to douse Hades. Literally.

"I'm drowning!" Hera yelled. "Why would anyone flood our throne room? Who did this?!"

"Gee, I wonder," Athena muttered, calmly putting on a diving mask.

"Where did you get that?" Artemis asked.

Athena shrugged.

"Well I want one!" Apollo yelled. He clutched his throne in panic.

"I'm MELTING!" Hephaestus yelled.

"What the frip, how are you melting?" Poseidon was getting annoyed at the chaos created from one _tiny_ wave.

"THE WATER IS DOUSING MY FIRE!"

"That doesn't mean you're melting," Athena pointed out. "Melting is when a solid turns back into a liquid state. Water dousing the fire element has no scientific connection to the phenomenon of melting."

"Ashafjhsdlkfjhahsd fhasdkjf hsdf. Sdfhsa;dldhfoauhelfj ads! Lkfasjdfoud lf jasdokjkfhklsdjflksjdflkjklfdjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjakldhf dashkfdshufhsdfhldksjflksjd skjdflkjsdfojsldkfjl kdsfjklsjdflkjsdklfjskldfjklsdjflkjslfdjaldjfasdhr yfuewh sdfhslkd fjsdkjfksdflkajsdf; kbsdfk asdjfd lksdjf;ad;jer yhg w rjusdhfa;slf sdfawleu s;fejsdfsdfldsjfsjdfsdfksd fyue s;odweo sdfldf had fl;adsf awoe;duwa a fsdf skdf ;sdfssdfjosdf dldjdfjlksdjf akfj sdf js fs sdjf easdj fsajdsklsd f dfklasdjflksj dflkjdsflkj sdlfkjldksjf kjdlfj sdoiejldljf aslkdf aksdufeilsda asdfjlkjdf a;ejdklfasjlks! WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE!"

All eyes turned to Zeus, who had just thundered into the throne room, immediately getting soaked.

"You're letting the water out, you moron!" Hades yelled.

"And what was all that random yelling you just did there?" Apollo asked. "Cause I want to learn how to do that!"

Dionysus nodded in agreement, still sipping his drink. "What's it called?"

"It's called the… ahem… LANGUAGE OF THE EPIC RANDOMS!" Zeus boomed proudly.

"Is there a class for that then?" Aphrodite cut in, confused. "Can you teach me how to say, 'I'm prettier than you'?"

"On to more important matters," Hermes said, walking up behind Zeus. "The mortals have just reported that all the world's oceans have just been drained of all water."

Everyone looked at Poseidon.

"And?" Poseidon answered the stares. "I'll put it back later."

"Wait, how can _all_ the water in _all _the oceans fit in just the throne room?" Demeter asked.

"Cause it's awesome like that!" Ares yelled.

"Random, dude."

"I know!" Ares beamed.

"Wait just one minute!" Zeus thundered (again). "Who here allowed Lord Dionysus to have WINE?"

The gods all pointed fingers at different people, except Apollo, who pointed a finger at himself.

"It's grape juice," Dionysus corrected glumly.

"Then who allowed Lord Dionysus to have GRAPE JUICE?! Speak up now, or I will incinerate you all!"

"Can you even do that underwater?" Athena asked.

"Quiet, daughter. Speak up, you inferior gods!"

"Um," Hermes interrupted. "I'm the one who let him have grape juice. But the water's kind of flooding all of Olympus now." He pointed outside, where the water was already ten feet high.

"NO! My makeup will be ruined!" Aphrodite wailed.

"My inventions will get waterlogged!" Hephaestus shouted.

"My statues will melt!" Ares yelled.

"For the last time, water doesn't MELT SUFF!" shrieked Athena. "And oh no- my books will be ruined! I can't survive without my books! The world is ending!" She proceeded to run (or swim) around the room, wailing things about knowledge lost to stupid sea gods.

"_You're_ the one that let Dionysus have grape juice?" Zeus roared.

Hermes shrank back against the wall. Unluckily for him, the wall chose that time to collapse.

"I'm drowning, I'm drowning!" he yelled, struggling to get out from under the mountain of stone.

"I'm surrounded by a bunch of nutcases!" Athena wailed again. "Read a book! Look something up! You don't _drown_ in stone!"

Unbeknown (is that a word?) to the chaos going on in Mt Olympus, the demigods were peacefully enjoying a summer day. The only one upset was Percy, who had just discovered his beloved lake had been emptied of water….

**A/N: This will be continued, so get ready for more randomness! Please review!**

**Oh, and I tried not to use so many caps lock this time, as mentioned in a review. It's hard though! **


	2. Chapter 2- Demigods

**A/N: Second chapter, yay! And I don't own PJO. Or HoO. Or ANYTHING! **

_Previously:_

_Unbeknown (is that a word?) to the chaos going on in Mt Olympus, the demigods were peacefully enjoying a summer day. The only one upset was Percy, who had just discovered his beloved lake had been emptied of water…._

Annabeth was in the middle of choosing what anti- spider necklace she should wear when Percy burst into her cabin, sobbing.

"It's gone!" he wailed.

"What's gone?"

"The _water_! What else?"

"WTF?"

"I didn't know you spoke Text!" Percy said excitedly. "SATWIGFTLAOAIDKWGOAIARFOAINYH!"

"You have issues."

"Do not!" Percy pouted. "I was just saying,…"

"I don't care what you were saying!" Annabeth snapped. "What is the problem?"

Percy started bawling again. "The… the… the… the… wa… wa… wa… wa… ter… ter… ter… is… is… is…"

"Oh for goodness sakes! I'm going to go ask Chiron."

"NO!" Percy flung himself at Annabeth. "DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"Percy, get off my leg!"

"No."

"Get off."

"No."

"Get OFF!"

"No!"

"GET OFF!"

"NO!"

"Fine, then," Annabeth dragged herself out of her cabin with Percy attached to her right leg.

"You smell like cookies," he said.

"I don't care."

"Then you smell like POOP!"

_Five minutes later…_

"Chiron! Help me get this maniac off my leg!" Annabeth called, _finally_ in the Big House.

"Mpmph modslfjalksdjflkajsdlkfjkaldsjf8weh aboosadhyfauehrs fakjsdhf jshdfaeyafsjdlfauosd fasdfoys8orf weujs8ouyf uoehwfuoraysdoufyusfhouadW!" Someone yelled.

"What is the…?"

"He said," Percy interrupted. "He's eating brownies and you should go jump off a bridge and kill yourself."

"WHAT?!" Annabeth's face turned purple with anger. "Chiron! How dare you!" she kicked down the door to the centaur's office.

Chiron, was in fact, eating brownies. Lots of them. "I thought I told you to jump off a… oh… it's you, dear."

"You hit my head on the door!" Percy shrieked.

"Yeah, it's me. Who did you think it was?" Annabeth asked, ignoring Percy clawing at her leg in anger.

"The brownie monster," Chiron said simply. "Now what is bothering you, dear?"

"Percy is rambling about the water being gone or something. And he won't get off my leg."

Chiron stroked his beard, which now dragged along the floor. "I know why. Let me show you this video." He waved his hands in the air and a picture of a crater popped up.

"This is what has happened."

Annabeth frowned. "That's not a video. A video is a sequence of pictures played at an immensely fast rate to give the illusion of motion."

"Can I have a brownie?" Percy asked.

"No! You may not!"

Percy took one anyway. "ASFDASJKDFl!"

"What does that mean?"

"This brownie is absolutely dis… dis…. dis… dis… gus… gus… gus… gus.. tin.. tin…"

"Oh, not that again!" Annabeth snatched away the brownie and threw it into the trash can.

"My brownie!" Chiron wailed. "It's gone!"

"Uh, Chiron?" Annabeth asked. "Are you feeling alright? And also- weren't you about to tell me what happened to the water?"

Chiron wasn't listening. He was busy draping each of his remaining brownies in black cloths. He picked up the mangled brownie out of the trash can and placed it in the middle of his desk.

"We come here today…" He began solemnly.

"Chiron…?"

"…to honor the death of our good friend, Brownie #67. He has lived a good life."

By then, Percy had detached himself from Annabeth's leg (good news), and was eyeing the rest of the brownies (bad news).

"Now we must burn our late Brownie to ashes, and preserve his remains to remind us all the good times we had," Chiron continued. He picked up a lighter and held it out to the mangled brownie.

Suddenly, Percy lunged for the brownies and scooped all 163 of them up in his arms.

"You're interrupting our service!" Chiron remarked, annoyed.

Percy looked at him, looked at the brownies, looked at Annabeth, then stuffed the chocolaty treats into his mouth, black cloaks and all.

"YOU MURDERER!" Chiron roared, leaping at Percy.

"STOP!" Annabeth yelled.

Percy said nothing, because he was choking on brownies.

Before Chiron could reach him, Percy's eyes widened, then, "BGGGGGCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!"

The brownies shot out of Percy's mouth and buried Annabeth up to her neck.

"I'm going to kill you!" She yelled at Percy.

"I'm going to kill you also!" Chiron shouted.

"Stop mimicking me!" Annabeth turned to Chiron.

"Stop mimicking _me_!" Chiron responded.

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"COOKIES ARE GOING TO DIE!" Percy yelled.

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"STOP FIGHTING!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"STOP IN THE NAME OF GODS OF OLYMPUS STOP I'M GOING CRAZY I'M HEARING VOICES I'M TURNING INTO A LIZARD MY TONGUE IS BLUE I'M GOING TO PASS OUT _STOP_!

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

"Stop mimicking _me_!"

And that's went Percy went psycho.

**A/N: Ha, ha. I think I'll go back to the gods next chapter, but in the meantime… review! **

**(This is the last time I'll say that, I promise! Not on the River Styx though!) ;) **

**- Tamale girl **


	3. Chapter 3- Romans

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Seriously, why do I have to write this every time? Sheesh.**

Meanwhile, across the country, Camp Jupiter was having problems of its own.

"Romans!" Reyna called to the legionaries. "You know the rules. No killing people. And no falling to your death either. Let the war games begin!"

"Um," a boy raised his hand. "I'm not a Roman."

The crowd gasped.

"I'm a Greek."

Weapons were raised.

"There's a whole camp of us out there."

Romans started charging at the boy, except Reyna, who stood in shock.

"My name is Percy Jackson."

Reyna threw her spear at the boy.

Percy easily deflected the spear and disappeared in a wave of water.

"I've seen a lot of things," Jason started.

The crowd turned to him, expecting a blood-thirsty speech.

"But I have never seen someone disappear in half a second like that. I wish _I_ was that cool!"

Reyna face palmed and Octavian shot an arrow into Jason's neck, who promptly fell to the ground.

"Hey!" Hazel yelled. "He was my future boyfriend!"

Reyna's head snapped up. "He's _my_ boyfriend!"

Just then, a chubby boy dropped out of the sky, and landed on top of Hazel. "She's _my _future girlfriend!"

Another boy dropped out of the sky. "She's my _ex_- girlfriend!" He lit his hands on fire threateningly.

"Ha our u gis?" Dakota slurred, splashing red kool- aid on Reyna.

"You dare!" Reyna snapped his neck and threw his body into the Little Tiber.

Two seconds later, a shimmering ghost emerged from the river and floated back to the chaos.

Reyna just had time to open her mouth when a river of Kool- aid was poured on her cloak.

"WAHHHHHHH!" She fell to the ground and was washed away into the Tiber.

"Reyna!" Jason tried to run after her- the arrow in his neck had randomly disappeared- but got 4 feet from the river and stopped.

"How are you alive, Jason?!" Octavian lowered his bow, shocked. "There was an arrow. Sticking. Out. From. Your. Neck!" Octavian fainted and smacked his head on a rock, therefore turning his face orange.

"Weird, Octavian." Gwen said.

Jason was ignoring both of them.

"I don't like the water," he mused. "Reyna can get herself out."

"Why do you care about her!" Hazel screamed. One side of her body was completely flattened. "I thought you loved me!"

Suddenly, Dakota's ghost changed.

"I'm ba-ack!" Percy sang, still shimmering like a ghost. He floated toward Jason.

"That's not fair!" Jason whined. "How come you can fly, too?"

"I'm here to challenge you to a race." Percy smirked.

"What's the prize?"

"Brownies, dude! The best dessert in the whole universe!"

"I object!" An explosion rocketed the field and all the Romans fell to the ground, expect Percy and Jason.

Hera stood in the middle of a new crater, glowing more than the sun. "My _lemon tarts_ are the best!"

"Lady Juno," Jason knelt.

"Juno? My name is not Juno, stupid boy!" Hera plucked Jason up and threw him all the way to Mount Othryus.

"Help, help!" Jason shrieked, getting higher and farther away. "I'm falling!"

Percy turned to Hera. "Can't he fly?"

Hera sighed. "He forgets. Now, about my lemon tarts…"

"A question," Percy interrupted. "Was it necessary to kill all the Romans just so you could talk about lemon tarts?"

"Wasn't that your plan, too? I was just helping you out!"

"I could have killed them in a cooler way!" Percy snarled.

"Oh yeah, like what?"

Just then, Rachel fell from the sky.

"What the frip? What is with all the people falling from the sky?"

Rachel brushed herself off. "You have a problem with that?"

"Yes!"

"Too bad. Aren't you supposed to be fighting with Chiron and Annabeth about brownies?"

Percy flinched. "How did you know that?"

Rachel ignored him and turned to Hera. "And you, queen of all morons, aren't you supposed to be on Olympus, saving cows from the horrible fate of too much water intake?" She looked down suddenly. "Why am I squishing a dead Roman?"

"I'm not dead!" Reyna threw Rachel off of her and glared at the rest of the crowd. (Who _were_ dead).

Percy gasped. "Didn't you drown in the Tiber?"

"No and no," Reyna snapped. That was _Hylla_, who drowned in the _Little _Tiber. The LITTLE Tiber. There's a difference, jerk!"

"Hera, do something!" Percy yelled. "She's going to kill me!"

"My name is not Hera!" Hera roared. "It's Huno!"

"That's a weird name."

Hera chucked Percy all the way back to Camp- Half Blood.

"WIFE, STOP CHUCKING OUR THE CHILDREN!" Zeus morphed from a lightning bolt randomly striking New Rome, to Zeus, who smashed several houses before making his way across the field.

"I'm filing for a divorce!" Hera yelled back at him.

"Then I'm marrying…" Zeus's eyes wandered around the field. "Hazel! I know you're alive!"

"Gods dang it!" Hazel leaped up from her spot on the ground and tried to run away.

"Ha!" Zeus caught her leg, which tripped Hazel and made her face- plant into the ground. "You're my wife now!"

"What? There wasn't any wedding!" Hera turned purple.

"Hmm, you're right, Ex- wife. I'll just…" Zeus snapped his fingers, and some poor innocent soul appeared. Specifically, Nico Di Angelo.

"C'mon, I was taking a nap!" Nico complained before a book was shoved in his face.

"Read this!" Zeus shouted.

Nico frowned. "This is a Greek vow book. Who's getting married?"

"Nico save me!" Hazel said, trying to run away again.

This time, she succeeded. Hazel melted into the ground and was gone.

"Curses!" Zeus stomped his foot like a little kid.

"Why are you trying to marry my sister? What kind of weird psychopath are you?"

Zeus laughed. "Oh, I'm not Zeus, my boy. My name is… PERCY JACKSON!"

At that moment, Rachel finally managed to pull herself from out of the crater. "Percy, that's enough with the disguises. Show us who you really are!"

Then, the Zeus- Percy just changed into regular Percy.

"Percy, I will kill you slowly!" Nico leaped at the green- eyed boy.

Percy closed his eyes.

"He accepts his fate!" Huno said gleefully. "Kill him, Son of Hades!"

And then the ground turned into brownies.

**A/N: Don't ask.**

**This chapter made no sense whatsoever, so just deal with it, peeps. **

**And thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are so awesome! **

**So keep reviewing! Praise and CC are welcome, but all flames will go to Leo!**

**Leo: I already have enough flames. I don't want any more.**

**Me: Shut up. I'm trying to make the author's note funny, you're ruining it. **Throws flames into Leo's mouth****

** Me: So, yeah. Don't report me for character abuse, either. **

**Leo: Please do! This is torture! Fire shoved down my throat!**

**Me: You're immune to fire...**

**Leo: Oh yeah. **


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